great albert's ghost

what makes up confidence and what things break it?

well the one thing I know right now is that Brad Lidge has aboslutely no confidence anymore. He says he does, but his body is betraying him. Ever since the great Albert hit the most nasty homerun I have ever seen - with the astros one out away from advancing to their first world series ever and causing a good friend of mine to call me to implore that I stay away from all sharp objects - Lidge has not been the same pitcher he was before he threw that one pitch that landed in baytown.

The astros ended up going on to the world series, but that just masked the unraveling in Lidge. Even in that world series he lost two games. One on a home run to someone who hadn't hit one all year. Another when he just couldn't keep guys off base. And ever since it has been the same thing: no being able to get people out, making every save opportunity a handwringing exercise filled with baserunners and nervousness. So bad to the point that he is no longer the closer and even still he can't get guys out as seen from his performace last night where he gave up 4 runs without getting anyone out.

So did that one moment - when he was on the biggest stage and was crushed - cause all this demise, and is it all in his head? I mean his body couldn't break down that quickly could it?

And this must happen to others on not so grand a stage? I guess that is retorical question to me - of course I know it does. Lots of people have these one moments - a car wreck, a birth, a layoff, a cancer prognosis, anything really that can crumble their confidence. And does it have to be a one-time thing? Yes these are dramatic, but can living in a rut, whether it be a bad job, or unfulfilled life, or a steady diet of "you can't" from others cause this same loss in confidence.

I think a problem with confidence is that it focuses on ourselves - our physical strength, or our mental strength or our standing with others (at least how we percieve that standing). To circle back to Lidge somewhere in his mind he is trying to figure out how to get better, but now it is muddling up what he already knew how to do good. His mind is getting in the way of himself because he is consumed with this loss of ability. I am sure that astros players and coaches have bombarded him with videos or comments of this is what you can do, but it won't do any good until Lidge gets his own brain out of the way.

But baseball is a fairly simple game, to paraphase Bull Durham, you hit the ball, you catch the ball and you throw the ball. Life isn't as clear cut, at least I don't feel like mine is. But maybe it should be.

Maybe we should be living our life to love God, love others, and find ways to serve. Maybe if we got the focus off off us and got our minds out of the way of what we are truly called to do then we would regain our collective lost confidence. This is a struggle for me for sure. God is constantly telling me and showing me the videos that you can do this - it is in you, but I continue to let my mind get in the way and let the world define who I am and therefore the confidence I have in myself.

So I am hoping that Lidge will be able to get past the ghost of the great albert, both for him - he seems like a nice enough guy - but more importantly because I know he can be great. And a great Lidge makes a great Astros. And a great Astros makes me happy.

I have to keep reminding myself that even if no one here on earth thinks I can be great (which thankfully for me is not the case and is so far from the truth) that God does. And it isn't important for me to be great because I am a nice guy which I think I am, but more importantly because a great me makes a great crusader for Christ and a great crusader for Christ will make God happy.