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Since labor day has now pased us by we are fully entering the fall season. This means cooler days and a little more rain (hopefully), shorter nights, and football on the tube - interupted of course by countless political adverstisements. Because of course, fall means - campaign season!

To follow up on my earlier political ranting and ravings I have decided that it might be important to break down the candidates for Texas governor for the layman. So in an effort to help the greater public, and with all apologies to the League of Women Voters, I will now present the Normal Human Party (a political party of 1)Voters Guide to the Texas Gubernatorial Elections.


Rick Perry - Texas Governor

Pros: (1)Knows how to influence others from his position of authority. This trait was clearly demonstrated when he was pulled over by a TX State Trooper and asked to just "get on down the road" - bravado at its finest. Didn't show up so well with school finance.
(2) He used to be a Democrat. So this way he can represent both parties equally.
(3) Has been an excellent ambassador for TX in the Caribbean.
(4) Has some Aggie in him


Cons: (1) Has presided over a TX government which has continuously cut funding to state parks and wildlife - not good times, bad times.
(2) TX continues to struggle with school finance, insurance for children and property tax relief. Not sure anyone else would have fixed it, but Slick Rick for sure hasn't
(3) Has some Aggie in him

Special Mention: Has the best hair for a TX gov. It won't move in a West Texas wind storm and can handle the humidity of the coast. Hair actually hasn't moved since 1986. Also, NHP has enjoyed his presentation of state high school basketball championship trophies.

Carole Strayhorn
Pros: (1) Unwilling to admit the fact that she would have gotten trounced by the sitting governor - decided to run as an independent - where she will get trounced.
(2) If elected, there is a greater than zero chance that if you made a surprise visit to the governor's mansion that you would either get chocolate chip cookies or a freshly baked pie.
(3) Just crazy enough to make life fun for four years

Cons: (1) Wants to run as "Grandma" - potentially confusing hundreds of young voters thinking that their actual grandma somehow made it on the ballot.
(2) If elected, there is a greater than zero chance that if you made a surprise visit to the governor's mansion that it would be filled with the scent of that oil of olay "old lady" powder (you know you know what NHP is saying) and you would get your cheeks squeezed.

Special Mention: Sons both work for president Bush - either a pro or con depending on how you lean and since NHP is impartial it is just a special mention.

Chris Bell
Pros: ?????
Cons: ?????

Special Mention: Has any one told him that he is running for governor? I can't believe the democrats have wasted their money on this effort. Has about as much chance of winning as a snowball has of surviving outside my office building today.

As a side note - I drove by the Tarrant County Democratic Headquarters the other day by chance. Let me just say the location of the building and how it looks wouldn't strike fear in the hearts of many republicans. I guess on the bright side maybe they are making an effort to save money.

Kinky Friedman

Pros: (1) Campaign motto: "How Hard Could it Be?" - rings truer than many wish to believe.
(2) Already introduces himself as "Governor" when making campaign stops.
(3) He backs teachers and I tend to believe him.
(4) Greater than zero chance that there would be a Wille Nelson concert on the front steps of the governor mansion. Already a confirmed concert by Jimmy Buffet in austin as a fund raiser. very good times.

Cons: (1) Has a fund raising t-shirt that says, "May the God of your choosing Bless You" - not up NHP's alley, but it does get points for creativity.
(2) Probably would not get anything accomplished just because of spite from all the other republicans and democrats who are pissed off that Kinky Friedman actually was the governor of texas.
(3) TX will be considered the Minnesota of the south.

Special Mention: Would be the first Jewish governor in TX. Also first sitting governor likely to get arrested for open container violations and possession of controlled substances.

Well there you have it folks. A scientific breakdown of this years candidates for Texas Governor. NHP predictions for how this will play out:

Perry - 35% of vote
Friedman - 29% of vote
Bell - 25% of vote
Strayhorn - 11% of vote.

Texas Politics - gotta love it!